Ken_Zhu_Lover's Xanga

Monday, February 14, 2005

Mon, 14 Feb 2005 00:38:22 GMT

New Xanga... http://xanga.com/irishhybridmairead Add me and PROPZ ME!! HEHE! I'll update here too sometimes. Happy Valentine's Day ppls! I don't have someone for Valentine's Day, AGAIN. But its alrite, I think I'll be ok.

Monday, January 17, 2005

Mon, 17 Jan 2005 23:46:44 GMT

Hey, everyone. How have you all been? Good I hope. Me..?

Spiritually (Sunday School and YTF):
    YTF: I've been learning so much at Sunday school but sometimes I feel like I'm not the one that needs to learn these lessons. Its really hard to go to YTF nowadays because the people there just tick me off and I wonder how the heck can they claim they are Christian when their behavior is so not right and maybe they know that and maybe they don't. Some people should just not feel sorry for themselves because they have no right to feel sorry for themselves and I know its hard to just freakin get over yourself cause I was there before but shes gonna lose all her friends this way if she doesn't stop being a B. And I say they as in more than one person, I'm not trying to hide their gender. Either way someone has got to inform them and if no one does I will think it is my right to do it. Like Peggy said, if you witness something immoral and you might feel like its not your place to tell them, you should anyway.
    Sunday School: Peggy gave everyone in her 9th grade girls group a cats eye marble (clear with a swirl of colors in the center) and she said the colors on the inside represents whats blocking you from truly having a relationship with God, and once I get rid of the one thing thats blocking me from God, she'll give me a clear marble. And once I do get rid of the 'colors', I'm gonna keep that clear marble to remind me always of how much my relationship with God matters that I got rid of the 'colors'. I'll get that clear marble one day.

Emotionally (Friends, Boys, and Family):
    BOYS!!! The center of all my problems! All of them just like Christine said! In church, theres two guys I like... only Christine and Ashley know! Hehe! I swear, if I mention them again they're gonna attack me! LOL! But theres 3 I like. 1) Theres one guy at LP, and hes in IB - I think and he's blond and really cute and his name is Daniel M., but probably one of the popular girls already like him so I should just give up already. He seemed sweet too with his doing homework during lunch and all. 2) Well, one goes to Sunday school and he looks like Devon Murray. Yes, HOTNESS! I was about to like pass out!!!! And yes... I was kinda um... lets say following him around. Christine said I was stalking him... 3) And the other is at YTF, you'll never guess who! Hes really cute too and so quiet even tho his friends are always talking and being rude! Oh, heres a hint (since I know you azn ppl love gossiping): Hes Chinese! And as for guys I'll never meet, I LOVE DEVON MURRAY! He plays Seamus Finnigan in Harry Potter,
    Good friends...   My good friend Christine who btw, became my good friend over the span of 2 days, talking on the phone for a combined 10 hours! WOO! Yea, we're like so tired and our throats hurt like crazy but its all good! We talked about the bad stuff and the good stuff but we got closer and thats all that matters. She thinks I'm silly but I think SHES SILLY!! HEHE!! We hung out most of the day yesterday, first at Sunday school and then at Jason's house! It was fun at Jason's house cause I kept squishing him! WEE!!! And Ashley! I feel closer to her now because she shared with me the stuff that was going on in her life and yea, she knows about the boys I like too and she kinda thinks I'm crazy! And Jenny! HEHE! We are the two giggly girls that are always checkin guys out at church cause Ashley and Christine dun wanna! HAHA!
    Bad friends: I feel like now that my friends each have a mate, I'm like totally abandoned. But you know what, my resentment toward them can't be removed and soon will grow into something bad but I'm not gonna do anything about it cause they don't realize what they're doing and if they don't, I don't appreciate them. One is just too naive but the other well, eh...
    Family: I just found out my last living uncle on my Dad's side died in October and so yea, hes kinda depressed about that. Even though they were his half-brothers and they made his life a living hell, he still loved them. His father, and three brothers died of heart attacks and none of them drank or smoked. And they were all in their 50's. But my Dad smokes, drinks, and has a heart disease and is 60. He's still alive and I'm so grateful for that. Maybe God just knows I need him and that he needs me. My sister and I are all my Dad have and thats what keeps me going everyday. To make sure he can be proud of me.

Physically (School and my Health):
    School: So much work, IB sucks. Thats the bottom line. Finals coming up, I'm gonna flunk Biology and History.
    Health: The physical me is doing OK, I got my hair cut so I look really different. Its pretty short now. But its all good. I kinda wish it were shorter. Next time then. I tried to not eat junk food or fast food for as long as I possibly could and I lasted two weeks. Oh well. I guess after writing so much up there, it kinda killed the mood. LOL!

Propz ME! ME!
-MarMar

Tuesday, December 21, 2004

Tue, 21 Dec 2004 19:35:46 GMT

Oh gosh! What a winter break... so far nothing much happened. Actually so much happened that I could write a soap show after this AND it's a true story AND other people would find it interesting and enticing... and other synonyms.. much like the "Desperate Housewives" except we aren't housewives. Some people just keep crisscrossing each other and I just get nowhere no matter how hard I try. I guess all I have to do is keep trying. Even though I know I'm annoying as hell. So what? Its all good.

I've changed my xanga's look if you haven't noticed so yea. Took a whole hour! GRRR! So hard to match colors and stuff. Lol! And as you can see Dan pic! YAY! It took so long that I'm probably gonna keep it as it is until my birthday! Which is in April so goody! And just so you know the bg is light green with red snowflakes. I didn't think anyone would actually see that but ok! Sure it don't have Snoopy but it does have DANIEL RADCLIFFE! Yummy!

To the people that propzzed me from 2 months ago to last week... I will get to you all as soon as I can. But the only reason I can't propz you is cause whenever your xanga opens the music, the window closes so I'm like 'crap!' and other things like that. So, its your own fault! J/K

*Sings: We wish you a Merry Christmas! We wish you a Merry Christmas! We wish you a Merry Christmas! And I feel like crap too!*
-MarMar

Monday, December 06, 2004

Mon, 06 Dec 2004 05:49:40 GMT

From Billy's xanga: "I'm finally updating.

Yesterday i was volunteering at Payton my school to get my hours. I didn't do anything the whole day all i did was walk around my school go in girls bathrooms play with the tampon dispendors and play some foosball. Mar went to Payton wit me so it wasent' that boring. Later on during the day me alick and mar ditched the presentation thing and we just sat on a bench on the 3rd floor thne the security guard told us to go down so we started playing foosball. After that i had a talk wit mar about some personal stuff then me n mar went to chinatown. Me n mar went to chinatown and ate at ken kee wit amy. Then i went home and i took a shower and slept in the shower. Then i missed 2 calls and i called back mar and mar said she's right in front of my house. So mar wanted me to go to calvins house wit her and i was like aite fine. So i took the 62 to calvins house it was like 7 when i got there. Then some stuff happened then i stayed at mars house and basically just chilled there. I was there till like 10 then my parents picked me up and soem other stuff happened then i came home talked to mar a little and slept

New Edit

I forgot to tell you that mar was really happy at school

She got to go to the boys bathroom and took a piss in it.

I'm so proud of her "

LOL! My version:
On Sat., I woke up at like 8 o'clock to go to the Chinese Symposium at Payton. Halfway there I called Billy and I was like how do I get in and hes like you use the front doors and I'm like... um.. ok. But when I got there I was so disoriented and confused that I just went inside and the ppl there made it so easy for me, I was like alrite... cool. I stood in the door of the recital hall for like 10 minutes and then Calvin passed me at the door and I remember thinking, 'ok... now I can go in.' So I went in there and I found Billy and we talked for a lil while and then Calvin came back and then I was like.. 'now, I gotta sthu.' We listened to them talk for like 3 hours *snooze* then we got a 10 minute break and yea.. that wasn't fun cause Billy kept standing by the edge and I'm like "nooo...dun" and occasionally he would pretend to push me over the edge when I was brave enough to go near it.
Then we went back in and listened to a lady perform and I was like listening to half of Billy's iPod and he listened to the other half.. then I needed to pee so I was like, I'm gonna go use the washroom and I stayed in there for like 30 minutes cause I peed then I called Amy and we talked. I went back and when I got back there was already another break so I was like AWESOME! And this time it was like a 20 minute break but yea.. instead of going back we snuck around the school with another guy named Alick and I went into the guys bathroom, which was fun. And then I went back to use the washroom cause it was closer than the girls bathroom and plus there was like no one on the the 3rd floor anyway. Came out and then Billy went into the girls washroom with me, went out and got Alick to go in too and it was hilarious cause Billy was saying how cool it was. We went to sit on the benches and then the security guard told us to go downstairs so we went to play foosball and stuff which sucked cause the table sucks!

Then we just like went back upstairs and like sat down to talk and that Alick guy went to do his own thing but Billy and I talked and surprisingly, when I was talking REALLY loudly about my relationship with Calvin.. he came up the stairs behind me.. I was like.. OH SHEIZ! And then when Billy brought up Felipe, I was like (again, really loudly), "But the only reason I went out with Felipe was to get over Calvin". I only yelled cause I thought Calvin left already but noo he was sitting 5 feet away. Smart aren't I? Anyway yea.. long story short eventually we went to Chinatown and met up with Amy at Ken Kee and after we ate, Billy left and Amy and I went shopping and then we um.. then I wanted to talk to Calvin cause I wanted to but I was scared of going alone cause I knew he wouldn't talk if Amy and Billy weren't there. So Amy and I went to Billy's house to ask if he could go with us for my sake and he agreed. Thank God! Then we took the bus to Calvin's house and when we got there he ended up not letting Amy or Billy inside, I didn't expect him to let me in.. duh! I didn't want to talk to him at first cause I was scared but Billy talked me into it. So I talked to him on the phone and um.. he don't like that I'm so persistent and annoying but I'm like that for a reason. I cried for a while, but then Billy cheered me up so I was ok again and then they went to my house and they made a HUGE mess in my room! But its alrite, I kinda cleaned up a lil bit. And we like just hung out on my bed.. imagine three ppl on my timy lil bit, poor Amy was so cold and she fell asleep and stuff... It was funny. Then Amy and Billy left and yea.. when they got home, I called Billy and we talked and I called Amy and we talked after I talked to Billy and then at 2, I went to sleep. That was my DAY! It was fun and sad and bad and good. I hope everything works out like its supposed to SOON.

I just wanna take the time to thank some ppl:

1) I wanna thank Billy, first off for being a such an amazing, wonderful friend even tho he says hes a jerk. I know hes not! U'r a great friend and I'm so grateful! I know u put up with a lot for me. I love u! Ur kindness makes me cry. I love our talks... makes me feel understood AND helps me see the other side.

2) Amy, OMGOSH! U dunno the gratitude I have towards u. U like practically hold my life together and ur my reality person. I would be all over the place if u didn't ground me. U are a great friend and I'm so very grateful! I love u so much! I love our talks cause they help me see the other side.

3) CHI! You're a wonderful person! U'r so positive. It's almost crazy. I'm so glad I've got u. Thanks for listening to me cry for like 20 minutes.. I know its hard to listen to someone cry. I know u don't have a lot of time on ur hands and I know u don't really know what to do but I'm so grateful that u try. I love u!!! I love our talks cause you're so positive and I'm just full of joy and hope and stuff afterwards!

As to why I'm so annoying in Calvin's point of view: I'm dedicated because I still love him. It is as simple as that and to win his heart again, I've got to be persistent, whether he likes it or not. Cause I know he still loves me and he just doesn't want a few things to happen: 1) His pride and ego to be damaged. And I can understand why he feels like its a bad thing. They're both too inflated. 2) To feel restrained, but he doesn't get that that won't happen cause I'm different now. He says he doesn't want me in his life cause he doesn't want to be restrained, doesn't that just mean that he still loves me but doesn't think that I've changed so he can't have me as a girlfriend? I've changed and he doesn't want to realize that cause he doesn't have faith in me. 3) He doesn't want to fall again, thats why he won't talk to me face to face cause he thinks he'll fall again.
I love him, and it sucks cause hes being mean. I've been so depressed cause I want him to admit that he loves me. I know that sound egotistical, but I have faith in him. Why can't he have faith in me?

-MarMar

Saturday, November 27, 2004

Sat, 27 Nov 2004 19:40:07 GMT

For those of you who know a lot about my relationship with Felipe, its been a freakin roller coaster. And well, being with Felipe brings back good memories of Calvin and everyone knows you NEVER forget your first love. So yea.. thats kinda why I've been so depressed lately. Everyone also knows that you never stop loving your first love....except somehow Calvin has figured out a way to forget about me and I'm sorta glad cause then he won't have that hanging over his head but I still haven't learned yet. And I wanna get over him but theres just no way. See, I don't have bogus ass burb friends to tell me to forget about him so scuse me. A lil bit of anger there but I'm ok...

To Calvin: If you see this I just want to say that I have no idea how you got over me, but I'm semi glad I guess. Also, that I've grown up. I'm not an immature lil bitch and blah blah blah all this other stuff you and other ppl call me, anymore. Several sessions of therapy WORK. And that no matter how hard I try to forget about you, I won't ever, so you should stop trying to get me to forget about you cause it won't happen.

To Felipe: After reading that you're probably confused. And I would understand why because you don't know why I'm still with you after I just said all that stuff about never forgetting Calvin and things like that. And no I am not using you as a Calvin pain reliever. I sincerely care about you and I'm with you cause I know one day you'll get it. I have faith in you. I know you can accomplish whatever you want to. I just wish you would see that you don't have to put the rest of your life on hold to do that. But one day you'll get it. I know.

To Amy, Ashley, Phillip, and Big Helen (even though Helen won't read this, can someone tell her for me?): Thanks for trying to help me and listening to me bitch about Felipe and Calvin. In both relationships. I'm still going out with Felipe, just so you know. Everything will be alrite for a while.

To Everyone: This post was meant to get my feelings out there without it going through like 3 different ppl and having it change every time. And I hope Calvin and Felipe actually read this cause then there is like NO point, but yea. I'm out.. Gotta watch Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban AGAIN and look at Daniel's/Harry's ass as much as I can. I LOVE THAT TUSH!

Monday, November 15, 2004

Mon, 15 Nov 2004 00:12:06 GMT

Hey everyone! This has been like the smallest gap between each post like ever! Anyway... here's wassup (short version):

1) For those who don't know, my boyfriend is Felipe.. yes, I'm going out with Felipe. Hes treating me well and we're having fun, but it has only been 11 days.. lets hope it lasts longer than all my other relationships cause I really like him. Plus, hes got a lot of potential and hes a really good boyfriend so I'm happy.

2) School: I got 3 projects due soon.

3) Others: Entered 3 Harry Potter contests, I hope I win one!

Music: Willa Ford - I wanna be bad. I know I had this on before but I love this song.. yea I got Felipe now, remember? Again, I apologize for the propz and stuff but I will get to you all EVENTUALLY! And I'm done.
-MarMar

Tuesday, November 02, 2004

Tue, 02 Nov 2004 18:43:31 GMT

You Are A Bubble Lover!!

They call it bubble gum for a reason, but you love your bubbles more than most! You probably already know that the world record for largest bubble blown is 23 inches, and you're practicing to break the record. Just don't let your bubbles pop in your hair!

Take the "How Do You Chew" Quiz to enter a sweepstakes for free Xanga Premium for you and ten of your friends!

Monday, October 18, 2004

Mon, 18 Oct 2004 23:46:30 GMT

OMG! It's been soooo freakin long since I posted, I've been working my ASS off with IB. I finally got a small break today with only 2 assignments and two HUGE ones. Oh, well. Here's whats up, like before, I'll write like 4 paragraphs bout me, cause its ALWAYS about ME! LOL.

1) School! Um... PIB is hard, there are several girls (OK LOTS!) that I absolutely cannot stand. In chorus and lots of other classes, mostly preps and rich blonds but don't get me wrong they ain't all blond, just a majority. And um... I "went out" with this guy Chris, didn't work out and you know me.. always chasing after boys.. yup. So me is going after like 3 different other guys now.. Sad, yes! Fun, not really. Rewarding, eh. Anyway, the work at school is easy its just the amount of it being bull shitty. Anyway, about homecoming. I didn't go but my best friend Ashley ( ) went and she had fun, she went with Phillip ( ), yea, but its all good.

2) Family! Um.. my sis is in the hospital, can't give details but yea shes ok now-ish. My aunt from Cali came last week to visit then left soon after but it was fun when she was here because we have so much in common. My grandma fell and bruised her lip, its like crazy bruised.. all blue and black, gross. Anyway, I'm doing OK, considering. I got two more sisters than my already total of 3.. to make it 5! Brianna and Ashley are officially my sisters! I LOVE YOU GUYS!

3) Friends! As unbelievable as this is, I made several friends, and they are girls. Vanessa, first off, is amazing. Thanks for always being there and giving me advice when I needed it AND listening, oh and TSK TSK TSK! Jillian! You're great too! Thanks for giving me a chance and inviting me to hang with you and your friends, you really are great! Erin... hyper crazy girl!!! LOV YA! Elizabeth, I know you won't shun me! And Denise, we didn't have the best start but hey, got a shit load in common so this might work out! And Nina, Pauline, Margaret, Caty, and all yous! YOU ROCK! As for my guy friends.. they don't really count but here goes anyway: Svein, not the most intelligent person, but he cool. Andy... andy andy andy. Eric, freakin tall as HELL (not really). Matt! YOU ROCK! And Luis, get to class on time!

4) Update On Old Friends! Amy, you the bomb! You're the awesomest! You're always just an IM or cell phone call away, I love you. I started hanging with Hover again, we got the anime convention at a hotel, forgot the name, to go to with a bunch of his friends. Even though I'll be like walking behind them and not making a sound for like 15% of the time and then I'm out on my own, I guess that counts as hanging. Other than that I haven't talked to old school mates, which kinda upsets me cause Helen had a party and well, I wasn't invited but you know whatever, its all right, I guess. WELL, not really but I guess I should be ok about it, I was really upset before but I didn't tell Ashley or anyone else that.

5) Wassup with MAR! Umm... randomness! I stopped wearing make up. Originally it was cause I didn't have time but then I realized that I looked fine without it and since there was like 5 other guys that thought I looked really good without make-up then I figured, I guess I don't need it, but when I get bored I put it on just for fun. I've been dressing like I need to get laid lately. LOL! Just kidding, I don't I swear to God.. just a lil humor I decided to throw in there. Parties are actually fun, I never realized that cause at parties I dun do anything, but thats gonna change, I'm gonna totally be a ho now. LOL! Again the humor, ok it's not that funny anymore. Seriously, I need to have more fun, my whole life I was so strict about everything, I'm such a prude. Also, I've learned that I don't want a relationship with a guy, I don't want a boyfriend. First off, cause its too much work to try to get to know the guy and have him end up not liking you back and then trying to recover and then go again, its just too much work besides I don't got the time to spend thinking about him during school and shit so I made a revelation! From now on, I just wanna have fun.. ie. making out and just laughing and talking. No strings attached. Thats like a guys dream, anyway, so thats what I'm doing with one of my guy friends.. friends with benefits as they call it, and you know it's fun, we can still be normal around each other cause neither one of us wanna get attached and we talked about it before we did anything so its all good... really really good. Let that be a lesson to all young girls who think they want a boyfriend. Cause honestly, guys make bad partners.. just use them to have fun for a while.

Tats twall from me! Had fun reading? And for those of you who propzed me A LONG time ago, I promise I will get to it EVENTUALLY when I get hold of a comp that won't shut the window whenever I open to your site. So please.. PROPZ ME SOME MORE! Lots of n' n' n' n' to all my friends and to that one guy that wishes to remain unknown, although he already gets enough actual kisses.

-MarMar

Monday, August 16, 2004

Mon, 16 Aug 2004 04:45:22 GMT

    Hey ppl! Yes, thats me in the profile pic. Now you ppl know what I look like! I took it yesterday (8/14/04) at DreamShot at Woodfield Mall. I got my pic taken cause I had gotten my braces off (8/9/04) and my mom said thats the first thing she did when she got her braces off so I did too! My shirt in the pic looks white but it was actually light blue. Anyway, I also got two new earrings... they so pretty. They were silver color and one had a silver heart hanging from a chain and the other was just a drop earring with three small rhinestones in it.

    Um.... sorta had fun today (8/15/04)... you know if it wasn't for my bitchy sister. She is always like that though. She is such a little baby. If I do something wrong she immediately goes off to tell on me. To either Steve or my Mom and all they say is, "Maaarr." And Nat goes, "Thats all? You're not even going to yell at her?!?" Shes such a freakin baby. God. Other than that, I invited Ashley, she came over and we had soo much fun. We played card games (and learned how to play Go Fish!) and we tried to play as much DDR as we possibly could, but the guy that brought the PS2 had to leave so we had to stop. We still had the pads but it was kinda pointless without the PS2.

    As you all can see I changed the bg!   I'm gonna be changing my whole layout soon. Even though its so nice and everything matches but eh... I need a change. A new school, newfound friends, new colors, a new attitude. All the old me is going away. A new, more strong and confident me will be seen throughout the 2004-2005 school year. And you know, its high school. Its like a mini hell. Now back to my layout, as you can tell I like stars... LOL! I love stars so yea. I tried to go for a darker theme but the bright stars and pink and light blue and coral-ish colors kinda cancel it out... kinda! But I think I did a good job with my layout without resorting to taking ppl's layouts from websites so yea. Anyways... I still haven't gotten around to proppen you ppl back and I apologize but once I get my hands on a comp that won't shut down the window coz of your horrible music, J/K, I'll get right on it. Propz me if you like the new layout... if you don't then propz me anyway! HEHE!

Lots O' and
    -MarMar

Tuesday, July 27, 2004

Tue, 27 Jul 2004 19:30:32 GMT

Hey Wassup ppl?? I'm alright. Been all over Chinatown for like the 100th time. Well actually it was my first time to the Chinatown Fair, it was allright. I got an airbrush tattoo... very pretty but it got washed off soon afterwards cause of showering. Anyway, we went back and forth from TLC like 5 times. Oh well. That was a long time ago though. Anyway, I finally talked to Andrew. Um.. most of you ppl know why and others are like huh? But anyway, as most of you ytfers know, the 9th graders are leaving so its time for me to get to know them before they all go to KS. So in my opinion, nows the best time. That is if they don't get scared of me. Well, summer IB classes are two days from being over! WOOHOO! I hate that stuff. Especially the homework. But from what I've heard, a lot of ppl wanna drop out so WOOHOO! even more! I spent all day yesterday looking for a good Irish buddy icon. (Some of you may know that I'm 1/4 Irish.) But to no prevail. I heard Nelly singing this song on the Sharon Osbourne show and I love it! So here is the song and the lyrics...

Nelly Furtado - Try

All I know
Is everything is not as it's sold
but the more I grow the less I know
And I have lived so many lives
Though I'm not old
And the more I see, the less I grow
The fewer the seeds the more I sow

Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try
Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try, try

I wish I hadn't seen all of the realness
And all the real people are really not real at all
The more I learn (the more I learn)
The more I cry (the more I cry)
As I say goodbye to the way of life
I thought I had designed for me

Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try
Then I see you standing there
I'm all I'll ever be
But all I can do is try, try

All of the moments that already passed
We'll try to go back and make them last
All of the things we want each other to be
We never will be (We never will be)
And that's wonderful, and that's life
And that's you, baby
This is me, baby
And we are, we are, we are, we are, we are, we are
Free
In our love
We are free in our love